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Not that long ago I wrote about changing winds and grown up goals. I told you how I wanted to be a grown up, buy some grown up things, and feel like I’ve adulted. Well, I sit here today to tell you… I haven’t done any of that crap.

I still don’t have pictures up on my wall, a proper head board on my bed, and I have yet to hit up that shooting range. Frankly, the shooting range is more likely to happen than any of the other stuff.

This week did, however, mark a milestone in my life.

I’ve been working at the same company for a year and a half now. This in itself is an accomplishment as I can count the number of places I’ve stayed at for more than a year on one hand. It would take about three to four hands to count all the places that I’ve worked in total. You can see the contrast.
I may have mentioned in the past (cough cough) that I have a hard time making roots and settling in. I get the itch to jump ship pretty often, be it where I live, where I work, or my entire life. However, as you probably know, I’m working on it. I have an apartment that’s affordable and I’d like to stay forever. I have plans to travel and make big girl purchases (like towels and cars), which all require a certain amount of stability. Unless you’re from a hella rich family, which I am not(love you mom and dad!).

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So many things!

All of that being considered, I got what you could call a promotion. There was a position posted at my work and even though I didn’t really think I’d get it, (wasn’t even sure I wanted it), I applied for it. Three interviews, one annoying personality test, and a month of waiting later and I finally got to sign the contract for my new position which I am now convinced I want. Not only is this position a much better fit for my personality (more sales oriented), but it pays better too (I can already feel my fluffy new towels)! It’s also going to give me the corporate experience to move on and do better things. In fact I already have a year plan… I have a YEAR PLAN GUYS! Do you even know how epic that is? I mean in my last interview when they asked me where I wanted to be in 5 years I laughed and said the most I could hope for was to be alive and happy. Yes, they still gave me the job (self-five). This is a first for me.

I want towels THIS FLUFFY guys.... THIS FLUFFY!

I want towels THIS FLUFFY…. THIS FLUFFY!

You know what they don’t tell you about grown up life (outside of everything), is how much the little things cost. You want towels (I’m really excited guys, you have no idea), and I mean nice towels, not like those scratchy, horrible towels that feel like sandpaper against your bare tush. You know the nice, soft, fluffy towels that are akin to rolling around with a bunch of soft baby animals. That might be a strange comparison but work with me here, it’s been a long week. They don’t tell you how much maintenance on your car is going to be, how even the cheap grocery trips add up, or that the fun stuff, like drinking on a patio and travelling is hella expensive. I could teach a class on all the stuff they don’t tell you if the school board would like to take me up on that.
This one is a short one guys, I’m pretty beat and it’s been a long week. But I wanted to share my happy grown up news with you all. I did it. I stayed in one place. I’m making plans for the future. And as I sit here sipping my girl juice (otherwise known as wine… they also don’t tell you how many calories is in a glass of wine. Don’t ask. Trust me.), I may not have cooked a new meal each week or got those little pillows that decorate your bed (cute but useless), but I can’t say that I wouldn’t have this journey into adult land any other way.

Thanks for reading beautiful people 🙂

P.S.: Sorry about the weird spacing in this post. It’s not supposed to be one run on paragraph. I tried fixing it but WordPress won’t let me :/

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There’s a personality type out there that I’m growing increasingly interested in. They’re quiet, introspective, and extremely observant. In the past I’ve written them off as completely uninteresting. I was putting a blanket of boring over them because they didn’t immediately engage in my loud and witty (or so I thought) conversation. Who has time to just observe when you could be jumping into every experience possible?

I’m a little older now and, I hope, a little wiser. I’m looking back at my checkered past and I tend to be drawn to the same type of person. Outgoing, possibly obnoxious, loud, and wears their opinions on their forehead even if their heart isn’t on their sleeve.

let me love you

Don’t run, I just want to know your life!

Recently, I met someone who was happier to stay in the background and observe rather than share every single one of his opinions about life. There were only a few of us in the group and normally I would take this opportunity to push, prod, and completely antagonize this type of person in an attempt to make them feel comfortable and draw them out of the their guarded shell (if you knew my mother you would understand that I would think this was completely reasonable). In reading and observing more about people’s personalities I’m realizing I have probably traumatized a good number of these poor introverts. Though I’m sure most of them avoid me like the plague I would like to formally apologize for any mental scars I may have left you with.

I want to assure all my introverts that I didn’t realize I was making you as uncomfortable as a claustrophobic person stuck in an elevator with a hoard of sumo wrestlers. I was simply trying to let you know that this was a safe place and you could feel comfortable to open up. Unfortunately I think the message I sent was, “RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, SHE WON’T GIVE UP, SHE WANTS TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU!”

Guys, I’m an extroverted person. I’m from New Brunswick for heaven’s sakes. Everyone knows everyone there and some of the first questions asked are, “Where are you from? Who are your parents? Are you married? What’s wrong with you, why aren’t you married?” Seriously, this is considered polite conversation. Yes, I moved about 16 years ago but that doesn’t mean my first instinct isn’t to delve into people’s personal lives.

I’ve realize the error of my ways however. I don’t know when I started to notice all the introverts. I guess I spent so much

Maybe if I don't move she won't see me...

Maybe if I don’t move she won’t see me…

time dating extroverts that one day I noticed the quiet person in the room and thought, ‘Huh, I wonder what they’re thinking.’

Also, a lot of my best friend’s are married to introverts. In fact, my current roommie, Bubbles, is engaged to one such introvert (congrats guys!). Before I had the privilege of meeting him personally I had heard he was very quiet and people couldn’t quite get a handle on him. This, of course, presented an exciting challenge; the opportunity to get to know someone that no one else could crack. This time I decided to change from my regular war tactics. Instead of jumping out of the bushes and screaming my war cry like a banshee I figured I would let him get comfortable around me. Eventually he would think I was just part of the scenery, not a dangerous creature who wanted to figure him out but someone who could be in the same room with him without trying to delve into his deepest, darkest, most terrifying stories. This of course would be classic misdirection, I wanted to know everything about him as soon as possible but I figured he would be much more likely to let me get close to this information if I seemed like I didn’t want it. If you would,  I would treat him like a cat. Act completely uninterested in him until he decided to come to me.

The result? It worked! Hot holy hell balls, it worked. I mean he didn’t tell me about the time his parents scared him for life but he did smile at me and he even talked a bit! And something else surprising happened, I was able to observe him as well. I gleaned insight into his steady character by just watching the way he observed others. He stayed close to my roommate but he enjoyed laughing at jokes, liked watching other people have fun, and he adored Bubbles. He looked at her like she was the most beautiful and amazing creature he had ever happened to stumble upon and he couldn’t believe he got to have his arm around her shoulders. It was beautiful. I liked him instantly.

Bubble’s fiance is now pretty comfortable around me. I don’t try to see what makes him cry and he doesn’t feel the need to shut down when he’s around me. It’s a good system.

Since this year is all about goals for me this is one thing I want to do more of. I want to give the introverts a chance to shine because the thing is, they do shine. In fact I would even say they shine the brightest once they trust you. They’re not always the easiest to get to know but they’re often extremely caring and really intuitive in ways you’d never imagine.

Life is all about changing in my opinion. We grow and learn every minute of the day, even when we don’t realize it. I can’t wait to find out more about all the quiet people. It might mean I have to change my tactics but I think they might be worth it.

<3

Thank you for reading beautiful people

It’s come to my attention that people actually read this blog. At least two of them. Which I take as an impressive win and is also slightly terrifying, but I’ll get over it.

 

I meant to catch up ages ago, I really did. I’m not the best at organizing my life and my time and something always falls to the wayside, actually a few things tend to get neglected and this time it was my blogspace. But I’m back baby! And I have some fun stories for you.

 

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Beautiful view over the Duquesne Line

First off, I moved! I’m a little closer to the city with an amazing view of Toronto. I love this place. I’m right off the highway for work and right beside bloor west village for fun and I cannot wait to discover all the new memories I’m going to have. My new roomie, Bubbles, is amazing. We’ve been having so much fun and I couldn’t have asked for anyone better. We went to Pittsburgh for a wedding recently and I discovered a few things about myself as a Canadian.

 

  1. We apologize excessively. I never realized how much I apologized until no one was saying “sorry” back and some people just stared at me like I might be a little funny in the head. I’m sorry. I’m Canadian.
  2. I have underestimated the states. I have been blinded by tv stereotypes and taken aback by how much they love eagles and the flag. However, Pennsylvania is beautiful. It was a stunning drive with magnificent hilly backdrops, beautiful trees, scenery, and wonderful people. Everyone was so friendly and had an adorable accent. Yes I found bed sheets that were essentially the American flag but I suppose it’s as normal to them as saying sorry is to us. We went up The Duquesne Incline on a rainy Monday and had a wonderful conversation with Margaret, a great grandmother who I bought my Pittsburgh magnet from. If you haven’t been, you should go. It’s about 5 hours away from Toronto and worth the drive.
  3. Cheese sauce. Apparently putting real cheese on fries is a Canadian thing. As someone who doesn’t eat bread I’ve come to rely heavily on restaurants and fast food chains offering poutine. America has cheese fries but let me tell you, not an ounce of dairy is wasted on these things. Stay away. Just say no kids. Just say no.

 

I could gush about my trip and rant about cheese sauce for ages but that’s not what I want to chat about today. Not that long ago I wrote about goals and my drive to discover my own wants and needs and to experience new things. Pittsburgh was definitely a new thing. While we were there we took a trip to Target and bought some drapes for the living room. I can’t explain why that made me feel so accomplished. Bubbles and I each bought a set, the colors match our livingroom perfectly. We put them up the other day and they now accent the edges of the large window, giving the CN tower a beautiful frame. They weren’t overly expensive and they didn’t come with anything special. They do however make me feel… like an adult.

 

For a long time I fought the very concept of making any sort of roots. My parents were either on the verge of splitting up or moving my entire teen life and all I wanted to do as a result was run away to Scotland and mary someone who owned a kilt. (I had high standards). This left me with the feeling that holding on to anything too strongly would ensure that it would leave  me. The best way to live was out of a suitcase and always ready to bolt.

I have this dream that all the guys in Scotland and Ireland look like this. I'm allowed to dream.

I have this dream that all the guys in Scotland and Ireland look like this. I’m allowed to dream.

 

Recently I’ve geared my life towards a much more permanent status. I plan on staying in this apartment for at least a couple years, which in my life may as well be an eternity. I’ve had Bob (my car) for almost two years now, and I’m going on the second year of working at the same company. I know some people need stability and I admire it but most of the time stability felt akin to being tied up and thrown into the ocean. I know, I’m working on it.

 

The thing is, somehow over the last six years or so I’ve made ties and connections that I rely on. I don’t know how I did it, I guess I always told myself I could pick up and move whenever I wanted to, even if I had great friends here. Great friends can be made anywhere. This is still true, if an opportunity that was amazing came along and was in Europe or even other places in Canada I would take it. The difference is I’m not constantly searching for those opportunities to leave anymore. I can have drapes and put pictures up on the wall and make plans for a trip that will happen next year because I’m not running from anything.

 

The wonderful thing about living for yourself instead of constantly finding yourself in other people’s dreams is that you get to have your own dreams. I have a cat now, for better or for worse. I plan on buying my own condo in about 4-5 years. I’m making career choices that will play out over a span of years rather than just taking what’s available and in front of me for the moment. I have a life and it’s kind of beautiful. I have friends who are my family and who I wouldn’t give up for the world. Being a grown up isn’t that bad.

So, here’s to a grown up life! To wine and parties, books and cats, sunshine and balconies and everything that comes with it. Life is ever changing and you can fight the grain or settle in for the ride, throw your hands up in the air and laugh as it speeds down one lane and around the next bend. Thanks for reading.

March has been quite an eventful month. There have been a lot of ups and downs and a lot of tweets about not wanting to put on pants. Something happens to my brain when I have a ridiculous amount of things to do where it decides it would be much better to just do nothing. As the age old saying goes, Procrastinator’s unite! Tomorrow!

Right!?

Right!?

 

Despite the lack of desire I was forced to action and the result is that I have successfully moved from Mississauga back to Etobicoke. I’m very happy to be closer to the city again and out of the black hole of death which is Mississauga where even the parking lot takes at least 10 minutes to walk across. Not that there’s anything wrong with liking Mississauga, so many people do and kudos to you if you’re one of them. As much as I appreciate having a Starbucks in every plaza possible I also like a little bit of individuality in the places I live, rather than having everything look like the exact same suburban block.

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My New Digs! The view from my balcony 🙂

With my postal code move I also went from a basement apartment to an apartment with windows and a balcony! Not going to lie, I woke up at 7 am not able to go back to sleep because my room was so bright and later in the living room I thought the sun was actually trying to blind me. However it is nice to be typing on the couch and not feel like it’s midnight when really, it’s two in the afternoon.

 

Something else fun happened today, I got to go on my second Trek for Tourettes with my besties and my new roommate. Somehow I’ve never made it out to the Walk for Diabetes (this year shall be my year!) but I’ve manage to get to the Trek for Tourettes. ENFP behavior I guess, if I have friends doing it I want to join in too! However I did wear my Type One Diab-Bad-Ass T-shirt to represent.

 

Trek for Tourettes! Look at those adorable boots, I want some!

Trek for Tourettes! Look at those adorable boots, I want some!

The Trek for Tourettes is a really great even that happens at the end of March. It’s wonderful to see so many people and families who are there to support their loved ones that are affected by tourettes every day. They have the Trek at the end of March because the weather is very unpredictable and you never know what you’ll face (mud, ice, slush, rain, hail, snow! Oh my!) which reflects how unpredictable tourettes is for those who live with it on the daily. This year the Trek happened at Humber Arboretum, it’s an easy paced 5K walk following the river. There were people and dogs of all ages enjoying the sun and fresh’ish air. We got our faces painted and some great pictures taken with green props, the color selected for the tourettes cause.

 

In today’s society where you see people online more than you do in person, it was wonderful to experience getting together with strangers to unite for one cause and purpose. Most of us get to hide our issues and idiosyncrasies inside, sharing them only with whom we feel safe around (or whoever happens to be in ear shot when we’ve had enough to drink). Those with tourettes don’t get to pick and chose when a tick is going to happen. Ticks can strike the middle of a conversation, during a presentation in front of your class or workmates, on the subway or at the grocery store. Everyone can see it which means everybody gets to judge. As a type one diabetic I think the more awareness we spread about these disorders and diseases the better. Ignorance is like fire, spreading fast and burning everything it touches. Knowledge, in contrast, glows like the warmth of the sun.

Diabetes and Tourettes, supporting each other :)

Diabetes and tourettes supporting each other 🙂

 

If you’d like to find out more or get involved feel free to go to http://www.tourette.ca/.

 

As always beautiful peeps, thanks for reading and I’d love to hear from you!

How much junk would a twenties girl chuck if a twenties girl could chuck junk.

 

A lot. That’s how much. In fact, to be precise, 4 bags of junk, 4 bags of clothing, two boxes of books and dvds, and a little bit of sanity.

 

I was going to talk about my kettlebell and how much I love the kettlebell workouts. However, that was before I started packing and purging. How in the world have I amassed so much crap? I am one person. Why have I not thrown out more of this crap before? And how do I go about avoiding having to do this all over again in the future? These are some of the topics I am going to discuss today because oh my god, I got rid of so much …. well, crap. And the worst part about is, THERE’S MORE!

 

buttons

I’m gonna need those one day!

I realize that I am not the only one to collect random things that you never throw out because, well maybe you’ll want that button, or you’ll finally use that tiny face cream sample, or you’ll take a trip and that sample perfume will be perfect for your carry on! Then one day you have to move and not only do you now have a plethora of these stupid, little things but lo and behold, you haven’t used a single one of them.

 

I have learned something about myself. It is a realization that is so simple yet explains, I believe, why I have 90% of the problems in my life. Instead of throwing (What’s another word for crap?) the refuse (thank you thesaurus) out I chose to store it somewhere to deal with another day. I have absolutely no consideration for future me. If I thought about future me at all I would not keep a mountain of random papers and receipts littered randomly around my room, my purses, my jackets, my computer desk and yes, in my closet. I would throw them out regularly when I realized they were useless. I would keep my elastic bands in one place instead of under my bed, in my purse, on my dresser, on my night stand, and anywhere else an elastic band can fall (so. Many. Places). No, instead I would have one, maybe two designated areas for them for easy access. I would have gone through my DVD collection of every chickflick known to man since 2001 and sorted through what I wanted and what I haven’t watched… well since 2000. But I haven’t. Until this week.

 

Organization has never really been my thing when it comes to my personal life. It would be a great quality to possess and develop, particularly as a type one diabetic as we have a wide variety of little tubes and needles and gadgets that we carry around. Part of the problem is I’ve never valued organization enough. In the workplace I know how to organize and file and place things in a matter of importance. At home however its never played a big enough part in my life that I’ve been able to appreciate it’s positive effects. I know that it would make my life easier, it just doesn’t feel like it would make it A LOT easier. That and when my brain is messy (which is frequently) my life tends to get a bit messy. It’s like I’m so focused on figuring out the scattered pieces flying about in my head that I can’t quite get a grasp on putting the physical pieces of my life together.

 

However, since I’m all about improving and changing and not being a hoarder when I hit 40, I’m going to put organization on my list of things to improve on. That and regular purging. I would expand on this further but I still haven’t tackled my drawers… There is no amount of fast music to make this any easier. That being said I will be blasting the Footloose soundtrack and hoping Kenny Loggins can make this entire process less painful.


Goodnight beautiful people.

I got through the title of this and immediately became distracted by the internet. Seriously, have you BEEN on there lately? It’s a whole world of hilarious comics and cat pictures. Obviously you have since you’re reading this on the internet but honestly, check out those cat pics!

 

Anyways, where was I? Oh ya, changes! I started my last entry with a Pocahontas song, partially because apparently she’s part of my ancestry and also because Just Around the River Bend was a song that basically inspired me as a child. It may also have nourished the idea to never build any “roots” and constantly change my circumstances. Books tell me that’s part of commitment issues but I’m really not here to talk about that today. That comes later!

I promised you a faithful account of my current changing winds and that, my interweb friends, is what you’ll get.

I baked an apple today. Just like on Pinterest, swear to God. I cut out the middle and filled it with granola, put a tiny bit of butter on top and sprinkled it with brown sugar and let me tell you… It. Was. Phenomenal. I’ve always seen it done on Pinterest and dieting websites but i didn’t think it would actually be that good!

Also I worked out! I lasted about 25 minutes before the urge to throw up had me on the couch wishing I was dead but hey, I worked out dammit. This is the second time this week too! See, winds of change!

My idea of barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen

Seriously though, how cute is this!

 

The thing is, I’ve had a lot of pretty intense realizations since I broke up with my ex. I thought he was the one, you know. THE ONE. And I don’t even believe in “the one” as something that exists outside of movies made to make us hate ourselves. We just fit so perfectly as a couple. He never got tired of my “that’s what she said” jokes and he would sent me the most adorable and inappropriate memes. We had so much fun. But then things got pretty serious, we started talking about marriage and as per my last few relationships, that pretty much killed things.

It’s not the relationship ending that has me riding this wave of new beginnings though. Relationships end all the time and (get ready for that Commitment-Phobia – here on in referred to as “C-Phobe”) frankly I kind of expect it (again, we’ll deal with that one later. Let’s start off easy shall we?).

What I realized coming out of this relationship was that I can’t remember a time where I did something for me. I don’t mean that I’m the ultimate martyr here, I have a gold Starbucks card and have no problem getting myself something pretty. I mean I’m always in these relationships that, let’s face it, I don’t honestly believe in, yet for some reason continue to tailor my life around.

For example, my first BF (I was like 19) pretty much expected me to move to Montreal if things worked out between us and I didn’t really have a problem with the fact he expected me to uproot MY life even though he wasn’t willing to do the same thing for me. My second BF wanted me home, pregnant, and barefoot in the kitchen learning how to cook and clean from his beloved mother (shudder), and I went along with it even though I don’t want kids and the idea of having his Euro mom condescendingly teach me how to be her made me want to kill myself. Then we have serious BF #3, this latest one. Adorable and younger than me, also wanted children and to live out in the sticks while he put (here we go again) his mother’s needs before my own. Notice a pattern here? Obviously I need things to hit me in the face with a chair before I take any notice of them.

#I don't use hashtags properly

#truth

So here I am, 27 years old with 30 right around the corner and barely getting a handle on what I really want. As I look back I realize the issue is probably that I honestly don’t know what would make me happy in a relationship so when some guy comes along with this strong image of what he wants I figure, “hey, let’s give it a go!” It’s disturbingly reminiscent of Julia Roberts in Runaway Bride, except I don’t have her body and am 5’2.

So this is it, my journey starting at 27. I’m ready to take on the world and my own life, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Today was baked apple dessert and squats, tomorrow who knows? Every day is a chance to get to know myself better. To get closer to figuring out what makes me happy so I don’t get lost in someone else’s dreams again, only to wake up with a broken heart and a shattered life. I refuse to just ride other people’s motivation. I will search myself, I will search pinterest, and I will find my own damned motivation and carry it with me to the grave.

I do have some ideas for my future endeavors:

 

  • I love Spanish music/dancing so… get more into that!
  • Go to a shooting range and learn all about shiny guns.
  • Finally bake a pie… I don’t know why I never have.
  • Cook something new and different every week – today, baked apples, next week, WHO KNOWS!
  • Finally get that kick boxing bag and set it up in my livingroom.
  • Get to know someone unexpected, someone who I wouldn’t necessarily pick out of a crowd.
  • Maybe finally get some sort of hold on my sugar levels… maybe.
  • Get a freaking bed set, what am I, a college student!?
  • Finally put up pictures in my apartment.
  • Start jogging again. I loved it. I don’t know why I ever stopped.
  • Finish my novel.
  • Start my next novel.
  • Take a self defense class! Hi-ya!
  • Try out braids until I find one that doesn’t make my face look weird.

 

I think that’s it for now. This list is subject to change. I hope you all join me and maybe find something out about yourself along the way.

 

Ttyl beautiful people.