Archive for July, 2015

  • I don’t know who Sarah Palin is. I don’t know what she stands for or represents. I know her name was thrown around a lot a few months back. I know a lot of people really do not like this woman but I honestly can’t tell you why. I think she might have something to do with politics.
I hear she has something to do with Alaska? Does it really even matter?

I hear she has something to do with Alaska? Does it really even matter?

  • I’m not thin. I will never be thin. I can be fit. I have muscles and I can hurt most guys when I punch them. Insulin and my hardy Acadian genes have ensured that I will never be a model but I’ll also never be weak. And I like it. I love my curvy body, my great butt, and how after a couple workouts I can see muscle definition everywhere. I will never wear short shorts out of the house, it makes me sad, my thighs are what they are. But as one of the estheticians said while I was getting a wax, I have strong thighs and they’ll take me far. Also, it means the “I like big butts” song is my anthem and no one can take that away from me.
  • I like rap. I like the sexy back beat and the intensity of it. I hate rap that talks about … ahem, shall we say various female body parts and all the ways they plan on… shredding them. Hate. It. It’s not just that it’s derogatory. It honestly has nothing to do with feminism. It’s that it doesn’t sound appealing. It sounds painful and horrible and dirty and it’s the last thing I want to listen to. It also makes me wonder how many STDs these guys have. Blech. What happened to buying a girl flowers for heaven’s sakes???
  • I want a guy to buy me flowers. I don’t know why. I can’t explain it. It’s completely useless. But I do.
  • I love Mindy Kaling. I love her. I love her high pitched “Mickey Mouse” voice. I love that she’s not thin. I love that she dates a lot because I date a lot. I love how she just doesn’t care about being part of the female norm. I don’t care what anyone says. I love her.
  • I also love Taylor Swift. I know she can be ridiculous and I don’t agree with her stand on Spotify but Blank Space spoke to my soul. I also have a long list of exes who would probably say I was crazy and I would also like to sing about it. That and Love Story was like the cutest, sweetest song and she makes me happy. So shake, shake, shake it off cause we are never EVER, EVER, EVER GETTING BACK TOGETHER, OOOOOH.
  • I love working out. I also love sitting around for weeks at a time reading endlessly. These two things tend to conflict with each other.
  • I don’t agree with animal testing for make up. I can’t hate animal testing. If it wasn’t for animal testing I would probably be dead. Insulin came from testing it on dogs and pigs (if I have that right). What can I say, I like my insulin. It helps me do things, like keep living.
  • I want to travel everywhere. My parents are the type of people who are happy staying in one spot for their entire life. They never wanted to go anywhere outside of the maritimes when I was a kid and that didn’t even count since it was home for us. As a result I want to go to Paris, Italy, Taiwan, Korea, the southern shores of Greece, Spain, Scotland, Ireland, Texas, Australia, New Zealand, Africa, and basically anywhere else that will let me in. I will never have gone to enough places. I especially want to go to Texas though.
  • I am having the time of my life being single but if there’s one thing that I hate about it, it’s cooking for myself. I don’t like it. It’s a lot of effort and I’m the only one who enjoys the food. I like experimenting when I cook, maybe because my mom never followed a recipe. I use all different kinds of spices and sauces (many of which I create myself) and I love bold flavors and spice. I hate cooking for just me. I want to cook for someone else. I want to share that with someone else. Food should be a shared experience and I hate that about being single.
  • I was a shy kid. I know, almost impossible to believe if you know me or read this blog. As an adult I’m sometimes horrifyingly honest and will be the first person to bounce up and say, “hey, I don’t know you yet. What’s your name?”. Yes. This is how I introduce myself to people in social gatherings. It works, what can I tell you. And it helps me weed out the boring people, i.e.: the ones who give me strange looks and avoid me for the rest of the night.
Me as a wee one. I loved that dress.

Me as a wee one. I loved that dress.

As a child however I was intensely shy. I didn’t want to meet new people. I didn’t want to be anywhere my mom wasn’t. In fact I couldn’t even get through a sleep over, I’d always be up at 2 in the morning crying and then my mom would be called and come pick me up, bless her heart. Sure the other kids teased me for being a woosy but I got to sleep snug at home knowing my mommy was close by and nothing bad was going to happen. I was also afraid of trying anything new. It all seemed scary. Climbing trees? What if I fell and broke something? Running faster than the adults thought I should? What if I fell and broke something!? Doing something my mom told me not to??? What if I fell and I broke something!?!?!? Needless to say, I was not adventurous.

I think moving halfway across the country and losing everything I knew and loved changed all of that for me. I ended up in a school where everyone thought I was weird and made fun of me, my family was far away, I had no friends and no one here smiled. No one. So I threw myself into reading and decided I didn’t care what anyone thought. Then I got older and decided I spent too much time worrying about breaking things and wanted to do everything humanly possible. Especially the things I wasn’t supposed to do. Now, I’m not a rebel by any means. I never did drugs and outside of sneaking some alcohol out of the cabinet at my parents (Scotch was a shock) I was still a pretty reserved kid. But I was never shy again.

  • I want to learn how to snowboard. I haven’t because I’m afraid of breaking something. I know, I know. I’m working on it.
  • I like drinking water out of a wine glass.
  • I used to put ice in my wine until I discovered frozen fruit in wine. I like cold wine. I love cold wine with frozen fruit in it.
  • I want to learn how to drive a motorcycle then I want to buy a motorcycle. I don’t want to be the chick on the back of her boyfriend’s motorcycle, forget that! I want to have my own motorcycle! I want to be the chick who pulls up, pulls off her helmet and let’s her long blond hair flow beautifully down while she shakes her head like she’s in a shampoo commercial. Knowing me I would probably end up with sweaty helmet head and look like a freak. Also I don’t have blond hair but still, I can dream.

    Preow, right ladies!?

    Preow, right ladies!?

  • I love country music. It makes me happy. I used to hate country music. I despised it. Then I discovered Keith Urban and I thought he was hot. Suddenly country music became much more interesting. One day my dad walked in while I was watching the country music station on tv and singing along quietly (so no one would hear me) and he almost had a heart attack. He walked in, looked at me, turned around and walked out and then walked back in to make sure he wasn’t seeing things. What can I say, I like hot guys and country music has tons of hot guys in big trucks and I like that too.
  • I have two step brothers. They’re both older than me and one of them, Bernie, lived with us for a few months. I think it was the funnest time I had as a teen in my house. It was great having a brother who bugged me, pulled my hair, and threatened to show up at my school and embarrass me. We fought about things and he gave me a welt with a towel while we were doing dishes but I got him back by yanking on his short hair with the dish gloves I was wearing. We didn’t stay close when he moved out but I’ll always miss that.
  • I love driving stick shift. I can’t go back to automatic. It’s not driving. I love controlling my speed and shifting gears. Sometimes when I’m in a bad mood I really rev my gears and pretend I’m in Fast and the Furious and a total bad ass. I am not a bad ass. I drive a basic 2004 Golf. It has manual windows that I have to crank down and it doesn’t even have automatic locks. But, damn it feels good to pretend.
    I'd rather shift thanks.

    I’d rather shift, thanks.

    • One more thing, I love drinking through a straw. If I could drink everything through a straw I would. You can make as many dirty jokes about that as you’d like, in fact, I probably already have. If I could just drink liquids instead of going through the hassle of chewing I would have all liquid meals. This would also be a great diet trick to make me thin (see point 2) as well as ensure that I would never have to cook for just me again (see point 10) but being diabetic (see point 8) it would also kill me. Sigh. That doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy my wine through a straw and no one can stop me. NO ONE!

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