Feeds:
Posts
Comments

This is not health related. I guess you could title it under Mental Health.

I’ve received a couple messages via LinkedIn from older men who tell me how purdy I am and want to “continue communicating”. I’ve dealt with these in a professional manner in the past but today I decided to take a different route.

Enjoy.

At 3:54 AM, Jayson  said the following:

Hi there how are you doing? you look resplendent in such a way that intrigues everyone that views your profile…what a lovely smile and wonderful profile you got there it uplifted me.. I was actually browsing through the list of my connections when I came across your stunning profile..was pulsed and couldn’t resist to say hi having seen such unique beauty. I must say you have really done well for yourself in the area of your profession 🙂 keep it up. I sincerely apologize for writing such personal message to you as I understand that this Professional Networking site prohibits it but just like I said, I couldn’t resist to say hi. Please do you mind staying in touch?? I would love to know more about you…if you don’t mind …Hope to hear from you soon. WARMEST THOUGHTS.

At 8:05 AM, Cindy-Rose Lockhart said the following:

Dearest Jayson, Thank you for your message. I knew someone would see my LinkedIn profile one day and respond. I knew a man out there, somewhere, would see how lonely I really was and reach out to me. I’m so happy it was you.

You see Jayson, I married very young. Olef was from another country. He was tall and handsome, 250 lbs of pure muscle. Do you use the pounds structure in South Africa or is it Kilos there? Anyways, he was and still is a large and formidable man. He swept me off my feet, really. I knew he was an underground streetfighter but I didn’t realize how far his illegal activities went. He hurts people Jayson. He… I can’t say it. But he’s not a good man, Jayson. I didn’t know.

I could just tell from your newly created and limited profile on LinkedIn that you were my soul mate. I’m so happy to be in love again Jayson, and you gave that to me. You did. Thank you so much. You’ve made my world new with your pulsing desire to see me. I’ve been waiting so long for someone to remind me how resplendent my smile is.

Thank you so much.

At 8:06 AM, Cindy-Rose Lockhart said the following:

Jayson I’m so sorry. I’ve made a mistake since I wrote the above. I bought a ticket to South Africa. I hope you understand I was motivated by love. I just had to see you. I had to get away from Olef but… Oh God, Jayson I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry my love but he knows. He knows about us. He knows… He knows about you Jayson. He says it’s not even your real name but I know he’s lying to hurt me. I know he is. Please my love, please listen to me. I don’t have much time. He’s coming for me, I can hear him. His footsteps are getting closer. Listen to me Jayson, LISTEN TO ME. Run. You MUST run Jayson. He’ll be able to find you. Please. Please for my sake, run. RUN JAYSON, RUN!

At 8:09 AM, Cindy-Rose Lockhart said the following:

Hello Jayson, This is Olef. Cindy-Rose is… indisposed. It seems I haven’t given my wife enough attention over the years. That’s my fault I suppose. Thank you for bringing it to my attention. I’ve assured her that she’ll never be out of my sight from now on. Jayson, I don’t know who you are… yet. I do know what you want. You should know I have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you stop messaging my wife now I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.

I’m sorry it came to this Jayson. You really shouldn’t use LinkedIn for this. It’s a professional website for professional people. This has all been… very unprofessional.

I’ve sent people for you. One piece of advice Jayson, don’t blink. Don’t even blink. Blink and you’re dead. They are fast. Faster than you can believe. Don’t turn your back, don’t look away, and don’t blink!

Good luck.

 

 

Yesterday I decided to try a veggie burger. The weather was gorgeous and the BBQ was calling my name! I stopped off at the grocery store and picked up Yves (The Good) Veggie Burger. I wish I could tell you that I chose Yves because of extensive market research but the truth is, it had the most appealing package (hehe, That’s What She Said).

yves

Filled with naivety and hopeful enthusiasm, I gingerly unwrapped the package. My finger happened to graze the burger in the process and this is when I felt my first moment of alarm. It was mildly similar to slimy plastic. Like that wet silly putty you play with as a child. I paused momentarily to take a closer look at the “patty”. I poked then sniffed it but came to no real conclusion on how this might taste. I was, however, still optimistic. After all, they called themselves Yves (The Good) Veggie Burger. They wouldn’t say they were “THE GOOD” veggie burger without actually being a good burger… Would they?

 

It would seem that I had chosen to completely ignore everything I had ever learned about advertising. I.e.: It lies.

I opted on a pan over the BBQ since I had never cooked a veggie burger before and wasn’t sure what to expect. I thought the pan would be a safer choice, particularly since I was mildly concerned it really was plastic and I didn’t want it melting through my grill.

 

I gently placed the “burgers” on the pan and went to go watch a couple Buzzfeed videos. This was my first mistake. Mere minutes later I smelled it. Smoke began to fill my kitchen as I jumped up to find my “burgers” had already charred. I flipped the “patties” and realize they had the consistency of cardboard. 

C360_2016-04-19-17-12-57-356

Mmmmmm Cardboard!

A couple minutes later I took the “burgers” off the pan and plated them with Quinoa, Hemp hearts, and some spinach.

C360_2016-04-19-17-16-31-675

Doesn’t look bad does it. LIES!

 

I have a couple things to say about Yves (The Good) Veggie Burgers.

 

  1. These burgers have ZERO vegetables in them. An ingredient check will tell you that it is soy, wheat, corn starch, and some chemical sounding ingredients. If you have any kind of wheat or gluten intolerance, do not eat these veggie burgers. (They do have a gluten free burger but I can’t imagine it taste any less disgusting).
  2. They tasted like less than nothing. I can’t imagine there was ANY effort to season them. I’m not saying they should taste like beef. Obviously, if you’re getting a veggie burger you probably don’t like the taste of beef and that’s your call. I do believe they should taste like something! This was the blandest piece of garbage I have ever had and I’ve eaten sugar free chocolate! I am insulted on behalf of vegetarians everywhere and I’m not even a vegetarian. Just because you don’t eat meat doesn’t mean you don’t have taste buds.
  3. Don’t eat these.
  4. If you’re thinking about eating these read this article again. Take special note of the hope and optimism I held. Then notice as it is ripped away from me. Learn from me young ones, don’t do it.

 

Fear not readers, I have not lost hope! I have a dream. A dream that out there is a good, wheat free, veggie burger recipe! I will power on in my journey and I have no doubt one day in the future you will read a happier tale. A tale of a young’ish woman experimenting with plant based diets who has discovered a truly enjoyable veggie burger.

 

As always, thank you for reading beautiful people. Please feel free to comment and let me know if YOU have found any good veggie burgers that you would like me to try and review!

 

Let’s talk about HEALTH baby
Let’s talk about you and me
Let’s talk about all the good nutrients and bad fats
That may be
Let’s talk about health!

– Sang to the tune of Salt-N-Pepa’s Let’s Talk About Sex (which I have no rights to)

 

Hello beautiful people, how have you been? I’ve been taking some time to figure out what the next step in my life is going to be and Eureka, I think I did it!

 

I’m going to be taking a course to become a Holistic Health Coach and eventually a registered Health Coach/Nutritionist. Here’s what that means:

 

The course is going to teach me about nutrition sciences as well as the link between what you eat and the way you feel. As some of you may know, I’ve come across a fair amount of health issues in the past year and a lot of them have been food related. I started doing research about how to heal my body through the way I eat. I refused to believe I was going to feel sick my entire life and that it was just something I had to accept, as most doctors would have me believe.

 

At the end of this course I plan to be able to help others as well as myself. I want to show people what it would be like not to wake up exhausted every morning. I want everyone to feel happy with themselves and the way they feel. I am going to give people a way of eating that doesn’t taste horrible and is attainable. And that living healthy can be fun!

 

I know some of you will think this is hoaxey. I mean holistic nutrition? Hippie nonsense! Just eat the right foods! How hard can it be?

Social Media Veggies

If only it was this easy

 

You’re right, it shouldn’t be hard, but governments and food industries have confused healthy and garbage so much that we don’t know what to pick on the shelf. What do those ingredient lists really mean and why does half that list sound like a science experiment from high school? Even the most skeptical of eater’s may have found themselves thinking:

 

Is this my third cup of coffee today? Or is it my fifth? Is that even bad?
Is my hair thinning?
Why am I tired all the time?
Am I losing patience or are people just really annoying lately?
Why can’t I get out of bed?
I just want to hibernate for like… a year. That’s normal right?

So I had a box of Oreos for dinner, that’s not so bad is it? I just don’t have energy to cook anymore!
What can I feed my kid that he won’t hate?
OMG, how did I gain five pounds, I’ve been dieting for TWO WEEKS!?!?
Why don’t I ever feel good?

 

Let’s face it guys, it’s not that easy to eat “right” anymore. What does eating right even mean? Our foods are filled with chemicals, most of it is “genetically modified” and we can’t remember what feeling good is. Eating healthy to most people means Kale for breakfast, lunch, and dinner and who wants that?

 

I come from a family where obesity runs rampant. I’ve had type 1 diabetes since I was 7, fought with PCOS, emotional ups and downs, hormonal irregularities, and doctors telling me there was nothing they could do unless I wanted to take this little pill. That little pill has a list of side effects longer than the list of chemicals in household cleaner. I finally decided that I was done feeling sick. I knew there was an answer out there and I was going to find it.

 

Now I want to help people along that same journey. I want to show the world that you can feel good without breaking the bank and eating like a rabbit. You can feel full and still lose weight! Will you have to make changes? Absolutely. Will they all be horrible? No.

 

You can be the best you.

 

I’ve always wanted to be hella hot when I was 30. I wanted to be like Anthony Kiedis (lead singer of the Red Hot Chili Peppers) who said his 40 yr old self could kick his 20 yr old self’s ass. And I want you all to take that journey with me.

anthony-kiedis-anthony-kiedis-13513439-403-500

Who wouldn’t want to look this good at 40!?

 

Here’s some Q&A to answer some questions you may or may not have right now:

 

Q: Cindy, are all your blogs going to be boring now?
A: Hellz no! I’m still me. The blogs will still be witty with great memes to keep you laughing. There’s going to be some helpful information in there about eating habits, exercising habits, as well as mind and body goodness. It’ll be simple, easy to understand, and fun!

 

Q: Cindy, you mentioned the memes. So we’ll still get memes?
A: Of course! I love memes. I probably love memes a little too much. There will be so many memes!

 

Q: We’re a little worried reading your blog is going to feel like when our mothers nagged us about eating our vegetables. We really don’t want to be nagged.
A: Guys, come on. I would never nag …. Okay that’s a lie. I totally nag sometimes. But reading my blog will not be naggy. It’ll be insightful! You won’t even know you’re learning because you’ll be having so much fun!

 

Q: Will you have B list celebrity Guest bloggers?
A: I may know some people. There might be some guest bloggers. I’m really aiming for that. I know some pretty decent looking physical trainers who I might be able to convince to make an appearance every once and again, so… you know… something to look forward to!

 

Q: Are you trying to lure us into reading by promising us hot people?
A: I mean, I wouldn’t put it that way. But if that’s what works for you, then ya! Hot people!

 

Q: Will Mindy Kaling be a guest speaker?
A: I’m not making any promises here. I don’t know Mindy personally but I’ve tweeted her a couple times and I’m sure she’s read my tweets. I wouldn’t say it’s not a possibility.

 

Q: Cindy, the internet is really obsessed with sloths right now. Will there be sloths? #sloths.
A: I… I don’t really know why I would have a sloth on the blog but… I mean… I don’t really know what this has to do with a health blog or health coaching.

 

Q: What about kitten and puppy pictures?
A: I… seriously? Yeah, sure, there will probably be some kitten and puppy pictures here and there.

tumblr_lmc863AXrX1qkmj9oo1_500

Little Sloth knows what it’s about! 

 

Q: So, if there’s no sloths and you can’t promise Mindy Kaling, what will be on your blog??
A: Dude, have you even been listening? Okay, *takes deep breath*, this blog is going to have everything. There will be great and easy recipes to make healthy and tasty treats and meals. I’ll be showing some vegan recipes, some gluten free recipes, everything will be tweakable so you can tailor it to your own eating preferences! I’ll teach you what calories really mean for your body and how to tell if there are healthy fats in what you’re eating. We’ll talk about exercising, the goods, the bads, and the uglies! I’m going to be incorporating some video tutorials and tons of fun pictures. It’s going to be great.

 

Q: Did you say there was going to be twerking? #twerking.
A: NO! No, I did not say twerking. TWEAKING, I will show you how to tweak… or CHANGE the recipes so they suit you and your eating preferences. There will be no twerking.

 

Q: I think the idea of a twerking health blog is pretty cool.
A: I’m sure it would be but that’s not really what I’m about.

 

Q: What are you about?
A: Taking the Hell out of Healthy. Finding ways to eat and feel great about yourself every day. Making sure you live the best life you can have all your life. It’s going to be a place you can find recipes, advice, tidbits, and so many other things about your health and well being.

 

Q: Is this going to be like, a girly blog? Like, just a blog for women about women stuff?
A: Absolutely not. This blog is for both men and women. While some articles may be catered towards one of the other, I’ll always give readers a heads up at the beginning.

 

Q: Well, this all sounds fascinating. Will it be coming out once a month?
A: Actually, it’s going to be out weekly. Every Wednesday night or Thursday morning you can expect a new blog!

 

Q: Riveting.
A: I’m going to ignore the sarcastic tone there.

 

Alright, that’s the end of Q&A! If you have any other questions feel free to message or DM me! I love feedback and would love to hear your comments. If you have a specific health issue you’d like to talk about let me know and I’d be happy to make it the focus of one of the future blogs!

 

Stay happy, stay healthy, and as always, thanks for reading beautiful people!

 

Picture Source:
Pic 1: http://www.cartoonistgroup.com/store/add.php?iid=101503
Pic 2: http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/anthony-kiedis/images/13513439/title/anthony-kiedis-photo
Pic 3: http://www.cutesexyfunnyawful.com/2011/12/gluttony-and-sloth.html

Feature Pic: https://www.google.ca/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwi_wK_b_PrLAhUpyYMKHc3gD-kQjRwIBw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fmemegenerator.net%2Finstance%2F23966428&psig=AFQjCNE9x8Z1bOReLQmisa29-cNJ3lzSXw&ust=146006513572455

3… 2… 1… WRITE!

Hey guys, I’m writing a book! So I know I’ve been neglectful lately but I have some very good reasons. Here they are, not necessarily listed in order of importance.

  1. I’m writing a book! Ok, technically, I’m writing two books! I’ve taken a break from the first one to go ahead with the one I’m writing for NaNoWrimo (Nanowrimo.org), which means you try to write a novel in the month of November. The goal is a minimum of 50,000 words. So obviously I have been obsessed with my novel. My obsession follows the line of, Step 1. Overconfidence: “OMG this book is AMAZING, I am going to be the next JK Rowling!” Step 2. Total defeat: “I suck. I suck so bad. I am the worst writer ever. No one has ever written garbage as bad as mine.” Step 3. Boosting yourself back up. “Maybe that’ll be why I get published. No one has EVER been as bad as me. THAT’S something cool right? I mean E. L. James was published!” Step 4. Acceptance: “I don’t even suck bad enough to be the worst. What am I doing with me life. E. L. James was published and I’m not.” Step 5. Screw it: “I’M WRITING IT ANYWAYS! SCREW EVERYONE. I SHALL PREVAIL!” Step 6. Cry yourself to sleep: “[Intense weeping]” Step 7. Coffee: “[Types furiously]”. Step 8: Begin at Step 1. Again.
  2. Traveling! Ok I haven’t been travelling around the world but I did go to New York for the first time! It was amazing! The food was great, the people were surprisingly friendly. and I had a wonderful time!
  3. Bubbles is getting married! This means wedding parties and wedding showers and international wedding showers since her fiance is from New York City (what what!). So there’s been a lot of stuff happening and going down and though I’ve wanted to reach out I haven’t.

Now, what I should do right now is write a wonderful article on life and learning and love and yada yada yada. However, I’ve written over 25,000 words in 14 days and I have another 25,000 words to go so… My brain has turned to mush. I love you all, please don’t forget me. 

Decaf Days

Look at how pretty this PSL is! Now I'm going to DRINK IT!

Look at how pretty this PSL is! It can’t be THAT bad for me… right?

The last couple months have been more eventful than I can cover in one blog post. Between health shifts and family drama, my life has been one resurrected evil twin away from a daytime soap opera.

However, that hasn’t been the main reason for my writing hiatus.  No, it’s more due to the fact that I can’t drink coffee anymore. At least, I can’t drink caffeinated coffee which is really the only kind that matters.

A couple months back I figured out that I had adrenal fatigue. Nothing deadly as long as you get it early but it means I had to cut sugar, caffeine, and alcohol right out of my diet. Unless you’re close to death I would never recommend doing this. I’m not going to sugar coat this guys, (haha, sugar coat, get it? Get the pun? *sobs*) not having caffeine or wine in my life has been a major life change. I’m not saying I’m an alcoholic but I will fully admit to being a caffeine-addict.

The thing is, these two things were my basic gifts to me. Neither of them costs a lot (though wowza, it adds up over time) and they both made me happier on bad days and pretty danged spiffy on the good days. I relied on coffee (Soy Americano Mistos with chocolate and cinnamon on top, specifically) and a good glass of wine as my stress relief and gratification for being an adult. Do you know what it’s like to have the two things that hit that pleasure center in your brain taken away??? Sorry, I sound intense about it but that’s because I AM INTENSE ABOUT IT. I essentially had to retrain my brain to deal with stress, sadness, anxiety, and the concept of rewarding myself in a completely different way.

I honestly don't know how parents do it. I can barely take care of myself!

I honestly don’t know how parents do it. I can barely take care of myself!

So now, I watch Bubbles longingly as she drinks wine and I drink decaf coffee. Yes. Decaf coffee. I make sure it’s swiss water organic and you know, it’s not… all bad. I’m not going to tell you that I want to drink it forever but every night I relax with a cup of decaf coffee and I’m grateful to at least have that.

The other downside to not being able to drink real coffee (other than not being able to drink real coffee) is that I really wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to write. Coffee has always been half of my muse. Anytime and every time I wanted to sit down and write I had a good cup of coffee beside me. In fact, I normally went through a couple cups of coffee in one writing session. It got my brain going and my fingers moving. It made me focused and sparked my imagination to create, invent, and breathe life into stories and characters. It opened up whole new worlds of possibilities.

edb6cb91d065fa2c135fcb8f9538d830Without coffee I was worried all the words were going to turn to dust in my head. I wondered if all the voices were going to go silent and all the colors in life would seep away. It terrified me. Writing has been a part of my life since I was 12 years old and probably before. It’s part of how I process and a huge part of how I cope. It also simply makes me happy.

I didn’t even try to write for those first two months. Frankly, even if I’d wanted to I didn’t have the energy to know where to begin. Without my constant stimulant I was exhausted and left to deal with the reality of my energy levels, which were beyond low at that point. Everything was overwhelming. Getting up, getting dressed, and going to work seemed like Mount Everest. The fact that I had to feed myself seemed an unfair and impossible task. I was exhausted. I was also rather grumpy.

But I did it. I started drinking insane amounts of green tea since it was the only thing not banned on the list and I started getting healthy in a way I’d never tried before. I’m not saying I’m quite there yet. I still have at least 3-4 months to go before I can even begin to contemplate having some of my favorite treats again (though I do cheat here and there. Come on, Pumpkin Spice Lattes came back to Starbucks! Cut me some slack! I made it decaf AND half sweet!) but my energy levels are so much better than they used to be that I feel like a brand new person. And that person is less likely to take the quickest answer and more likely to really look for the right solution, even if it takes some time. 

I’ve also learned a lot in the last couple of months. I’ve learned how to slow down and have more patience, not just with myself but with the life around me. I’m beginning to understand that good things can take time and those things are definitely worth waiting and working for. It’s so easy to get into the grind of rushing through things without taking the time to experience life and really appreciate the smaller things. Besides all that it did sort of fit into my, “Learn how to love me” year. No better way to learn about yourself than to take away all the things you rely on.

And that leads us to today, right here and right now as I sit, typing away at my laptop, sans caffeine. Turns out the words are all still there. The wind that my creativity rides on is still flying and frankly, I think

Lighting one bulb at a time ;)

Lighting one bulb at a time 😉

it might be stronger than ever. I have a  little less time to write now as I need more rest and I have to make everything from scratch but things are settling down and fall is here! Nanowrimo is just around the corner (National Novel Writing Month if you’ve never heard of it, http://nanowrimo.org/) and I can’t tell you how excited I am. Bubbles is planning her wedding (Woot!), the training at my new job is almost done, and there are a lot of wonderful things on the horizon. So here we go, Alons-y as the Doctor used to say, and bring on the decaf!

  • I don’t know who Sarah Palin is. I don’t know what she stands for or represents. I know her name was thrown around a lot a few months back. I know a lot of people really do not like this woman but I honestly can’t tell you why. I think she might have something to do with politics.
I hear she has something to do with Alaska? Does it really even matter?

I hear she has something to do with Alaska? Does it really even matter?

  • I’m not thin. I will never be thin. I can be fit. I have muscles and I can hurt most guys when I punch them. Insulin and my hardy Acadian genes have ensured that I will never be a model but I’ll also never be weak. And I like it. I love my curvy body, my great butt, and how after a couple workouts I can see muscle definition everywhere. I will never wear short shorts out of the house, it makes me sad, my thighs are what they are. But as one of the estheticians said while I was getting a wax, I have strong thighs and they’ll take me far. Also, it means the “I like big butts” song is my anthem and no one can take that away from me.
  • I like rap. I like the sexy back beat and the intensity of it. I hate rap that talks about … ahem, shall we say various female body parts and all the ways they plan on… shredding them. Hate. It. It’s not just that it’s derogatory. It honestly has nothing to do with feminism. It’s that it doesn’t sound appealing. It sounds painful and horrible and dirty and it’s the last thing I want to listen to. It also makes me wonder how many STDs these guys have. Blech. What happened to buying a girl flowers for heaven’s sakes???
  • I want a guy to buy me flowers. I don’t know why. I can’t explain it. It’s completely useless. But I do.
  • I love Mindy Kaling. I love her. I love her high pitched “Mickey Mouse” voice. I love that she’s not thin. I love that she dates a lot because I date a lot. I love how she just doesn’t care about being part of the female norm. I don’t care what anyone says. I love her.
  • I also love Taylor Swift. I know she can be ridiculous and I don’t agree with her stand on Spotify but Blank Space spoke to my soul. I also have a long list of exes who would probably say I was crazy and I would also like to sing about it. That and Love Story was like the cutest, sweetest song and she makes me happy. So shake, shake, shake it off cause we are never EVER, EVER, EVER GETTING BACK TOGETHER, OOOOOH.
  • I love working out. I also love sitting around for weeks at a time reading endlessly. These two things tend to conflict with each other.
  • I don’t agree with animal testing for make up. I can’t hate animal testing. If it wasn’t for animal testing I would probably be dead. Insulin came from testing it on dogs and pigs (if I have that right). What can I say, I like my insulin. It helps me do things, like keep living.
  • I want to travel everywhere. My parents are the type of people who are happy staying in one spot for their entire life. They never wanted to go anywhere outside of the maritimes when I was a kid and that didn’t even count since it was home for us. As a result I want to go to Paris, Italy, Taiwan, Korea, the southern shores of Greece, Spain, Scotland, Ireland, Texas, Australia, New Zealand, Africa, and basically anywhere else that will let me in. I will never have gone to enough places. I especially want to go to Texas though.
  • I am having the time of my life being single but if there’s one thing that I hate about it, it’s cooking for myself. I don’t like it. It’s a lot of effort and I’m the only one who enjoys the food. I like experimenting when I cook, maybe because my mom never followed a recipe. I use all different kinds of spices and sauces (many of which I create myself) and I love bold flavors and spice. I hate cooking for just me. I want to cook for someone else. I want to share that with someone else. Food should be a shared experience and I hate that about being single.
  • I was a shy kid. I know, almost impossible to believe if you know me or read this blog. As an adult I’m sometimes horrifyingly honest and will be the first person to bounce up and say, “hey, I don’t know you yet. What’s your name?”. Yes. This is how I introduce myself to people in social gatherings. It works, what can I tell you. And it helps me weed out the boring people, i.e.: the ones who give me strange looks and avoid me for the rest of the night.
Me as a wee one. I loved that dress.

Me as a wee one. I loved that dress.

As a child however I was intensely shy. I didn’t want to meet new people. I didn’t want to be anywhere my mom wasn’t. In fact I couldn’t even get through a sleep over, I’d always be up at 2 in the morning crying and then my mom would be called and come pick me up, bless her heart. Sure the other kids teased me for being a woosy but I got to sleep snug at home knowing my mommy was close by and nothing bad was going to happen. I was also afraid of trying anything new. It all seemed scary. Climbing trees? What if I fell and broke something? Running faster than the adults thought I should? What if I fell and broke something!? Doing something my mom told me not to??? What if I fell and I broke something!?!?!? Needless to say, I was not adventurous.

I think moving halfway across the country and losing everything I knew and loved changed all of that for me. I ended up in a school where everyone thought I was weird and made fun of me, my family was far away, I had no friends and no one here smiled. No one. So I threw myself into reading and decided I didn’t care what anyone thought. Then I got older and decided I spent too much time worrying about breaking things and wanted to do everything humanly possible. Especially the things I wasn’t supposed to do. Now, I’m not a rebel by any means. I never did drugs and outside of sneaking some alcohol out of the cabinet at my parents (Scotch was a shock) I was still a pretty reserved kid. But I was never shy again.

  • I want to learn how to snowboard. I haven’t because I’m afraid of breaking something. I know, I know. I’m working on it.
  • I like drinking water out of a wine glass.
  • I used to put ice in my wine until I discovered frozen fruit in wine. I like cold wine. I love cold wine with frozen fruit in it.
  • I want to learn how to drive a motorcycle then I want to buy a motorcycle. I don’t want to be the chick on the back of her boyfriend’s motorcycle, forget that! I want to have my own motorcycle! I want to be the chick who pulls up, pulls off her helmet and let’s her long blond hair flow beautifully down while she shakes her head like she’s in a shampoo commercial. Knowing me I would probably end up with sweaty helmet head and look like a freak. Also I don’t have blond hair but still, I can dream.

    Preow, right ladies!?

    Preow, right ladies!?

  • I love country music. It makes me happy. I used to hate country music. I despised it. Then I discovered Keith Urban and I thought he was hot. Suddenly country music became much more interesting. One day my dad walked in while I was watching the country music station on tv and singing along quietly (so no one would hear me) and he almost had a heart attack. He walked in, looked at me, turned around and walked out and then walked back in to make sure he wasn’t seeing things. What can I say, I like hot guys and country music has tons of hot guys in big trucks and I like that too.
  • I have two step brothers. They’re both older than me and one of them, Bernie, lived with us for a few months. I think it was the funnest time I had as a teen in my house. It was great having a brother who bugged me, pulled my hair, and threatened to show up at my school and embarrass me. We fought about things and he gave me a welt with a towel while we were doing dishes but I got him back by yanking on his short hair with the dish gloves I was wearing. We didn’t stay close when he moved out but I’ll always miss that.
  • I love driving stick shift. I can’t go back to automatic. It’s not driving. I love controlling my speed and shifting gears. Sometimes when I’m in a bad mood I really rev my gears and pretend I’m in Fast and the Furious and a total bad ass. I am not a bad ass. I drive a basic 2004 Golf. It has manual windows that I have to crank down and it doesn’t even have automatic locks. But, damn it feels good to pretend.
    I'd rather shift thanks.

    I’d rather shift, thanks.

    • One more thing, I love drinking through a straw. If I could drink everything through a straw I would. You can make as many dirty jokes about that as you’d like, in fact, I probably already have. If I could just drink liquids instead of going through the hassle of chewing I would have all liquid meals. This would also be a great diet trick to make me thin (see point 2) as well as ensure that I would never have to cook for just me again (see point 10) but being diabetic (see point 8) it would also kill me. Sigh. That doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy my wine through a straw and no one can stop me. NO ONE!